checking out my groceries i inserted my card and followed the instructions waited for the computer / hoping for approval who is this computer i'm supplicating anyways ?? i thought to myself and suddenly there it was the face of the computer god looking at me kinda scary
"Well officer it was like this, I was traveling south by southwest on Austin Highway when I suddenly got cut off by this huge silver limousine that turned right in front of me."
"Huge silver limo. When did this happen?"
"It was Tuesday, June 14th, the day Donald Trump was in town. I read it in the papers."
"Yeah, I braked just in time to avoid hitting them and saw this face appear in the window."
"And who was it?"
"I don't know, it looked like a mafia guy."
"Yeah so I stood there in the middle of the street and gave them a five fingered salute and yelled something in Italian, a language I am not particularly fluent in and they all stopped for a moment."
"All? How many were there?"
"There were five bright shiny huge silver limousines, officer, all in a row and I'm standing there in the middle of the street almost ran over on my bike and I saw the one guy's head look at me."
"And how did you know this was Donald Trump's motorcade?"
"I could sense his presence."
"Uh huh. Were you hurt?"
"No I was unhurt but I felt like I had influenced presidential politics in some small way."
"Really, how's that?"
"Yeah, Donald knows he can't push around a little bicyclist in this city just because he's got a five car motorcade with giant silver limousines."
"So do you want to file a complaint?"
"No officer but I'd like to speak to Donald Trump personally."
"Yes I'd like 5 minutes of his time for almost running over me on my bike."
"I'd like to tell him something."
"What is it you would like to tell Donald Trump?"
"I would like to tell him . . . watch out where you're going Donald Trump. I'm watching you."
"Yeah you might have a five car giant motorcade but I've got a bicycle."
"I've got a bicycle and I've got just as much right as you do. Infact I think you're a big stupid head for riding around in a five car motorcade and looking out the window at everything. Yeah and the only reason you're so popular is because you're an idiot."
"That's what I want to say. You don't fool me you big . . . chump. You are a big stupid dummy. Stupid dummy. Chump."